Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep : modern remembrance photography

I recently came across an incredible organization called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDTS) and wanted to share the beautiful work they do. 

Since 2005, they’ve been providing professional remembrance photography to parents experiencing the loss of a baby. It’s a gift of healing—capturing those fleeting, precious moments and providing families with beautiful, retouched black-and-white portraits at no cost.

With over 80,000 sessions gifted worldwide, their volunteer photographers are truly doing heart-work. If you know a photographer looking to give back or a family in need of support

As you can see, post-mortem photography is still used, but that's a topic for a different post. 

Early infant loss

While stillbirths are the primary focus of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDTS), their services are not strictly limited to that. They provide " remembrance photography "for a range of situations involving early infant loss. Their photography service is viewed as a " gift of remembrance."

What is Remembrance Photography?

This is considered a compassionate form of photography nowadays that honors and preserves the memory of a loved one who has passed. This is often about infant loss or end-of-life moments. This kind of photography focuses on capturing respectful images that reflect love, peace, and connection. 

 Stillbirth rates in the USA and Latin America.

Stillbirth rates in the USA 

According to the latest provisional data released by the CDC and the United Nations (UN IGME/UNICEF) as of early 2026, here are the current numbers for stillbirth rates:

United States Stillbirth Rates

The most recent report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), published in late 2025/early 2026, shows a slight improvement in U.S. rates.

• Rate: 5.41 per 1,000 live births and fetal deaths (provisional 2024 data).
• Total Number: Approximately 19,756 stillbirths (fetal deaths at 20 weeks of gestation or more).
• Trend: This represents a 2% decline from the previous year.
• Significant Disparity: The rate remains significantly higher for Black (9.96) and Native Hawaiian or Pacific Islander (10.21) mothers compared to White (4.54) or Hispanic (4.76) mothers.
• Source: CDC National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS), National Vital Statistics System (NVSS).

Latin America and the Caribbean Stillbirth Rates

Global data is typically released in slightly larger intervals. The most current comprehensive estimates come from the United Nations Inter-agency Group for Child Mortality Estimation (UN IGME) and UNICEF reports released in March 2025.

• Regional Rate: Approximately 8.2 to 9.0 per 1,000 total births.
• Total Number: Latin America and the Caribbean account for roughly 90,000 to 100,000 stillbirths annually.
• Progress Note: While the region has seen a steady decline since 2000, progress has slowed in the last few years. The UN warns that at least 15 countries in this region have shown stagnant or no significant decrease in stillbirth rates over the last two decades.
• Source: UNICEF / UN Inter-agency Group for Child Mortality Estimation (UN IGME) 2025 Report: "Standing Up for Stillbirth."

Here you can reach out to them: 

https://www.facebook.com/nilmdts/about

https://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/

Let's go to the circus : "Sideshow performers"

 

A freak show was a type of exhibition popular in the 19th and early 20th centuries that presented individuals with unusual physical characteristics or rare medical conditions. During that era, participants were often referred to as “freaks of nature,” a term commonly used at the time but now widely considered outdated and offensive.

Typical attractions included people who were unusually tall or short, individuals with intersex traits (historically described as having both male and female secondary sexual characteristics), and those with rare medical conditions. In addition to physical differences, some exhibitions featured heavily tattooed or pierced performers, as well as entertainers known for attention-grabbing acts such as fire-eating and sword-swallowing. These shows were often promoted as sensational spectacles intended to astonish audiences.

With the introduction of the carte de visite photographic format in the 1850s—made possible by improvements in photographic reproduction techniques such as the wet-plate collodion process—performers could distribute multiple prints from a single exposure. According to historians of photography, including research from the Metropolitan Museum of Art and the International Center of Photography, cartes de visite became highly collectible in the United States and Europe.

Individuals exhibited in sideshows often posed formally for these photographs and sometimes ordered large quantities for sale. It was not uncommon for performers to include brief autobiographical notes on the back of the card, highlighting their physical traits, stage personas, or talents. These photographic cards circulated widely and became both popular souvenirs and a significant source of income for performers and show proprietors.

Historical References Supporting This Definition

• Smithsonian Institution – Research on American sideshows and exhibition culture

• Metropolitan Museum of Art – Documentation on carte de visite photography

• Freak Show by Nadja Durbach – Scholarly study on Victorian sideshows

Performers exhibited in 19th-century sideshows were often portrayed by the public as timid, passive, or unhappy with their circumstances. However, historical research suggests that this stereotype does not reflect the full reality. In many cases, individuals actively negotiated their contracts, advocated for better pay, and exercised agency within the entertainment industry of the time.

By the early 1850s, it had become common practice in both England and the United States to sell collectible photographic cards featuring well-known sideshow performers. These were typically produced in the popular carte de visite format. According to studies of Victorian exhibition culture, including research cited by the Smithsonian Institution and historian Nadja Durbach in her book Freak Show, performers often received a share of the profits from these sales, rather than the proceeds going exclusively to show proprietors. In some instances, the sale of these images became an important source of personal income.

One notable example was Isaac W. Sprague, known professionally as the “American Human Skeleton.” Sprague, who stood approximately 5 feet 6 inches tall and reportedly weighed around 43 pounds due to a severe muscular condition, toured during the 1860s, including appearances associated with P. T. Barnum. His photographic cards were widely distributed, and historical accounts indicate that he earned a meaningful income from their sale.

Some performers, including Sprague, also authored or contributed to short autobiographical pamphlets sold at exhibitions. These publications allowed individuals to shape their own public narratives, presenting themselves not merely as curiosities, but as professional entertainers participating in a popular form of Victorian-era spectacle.

When sideshow performers retired from exhibition life, their experiences varied widely depending on personal circumstances, financial stability, and health. Some individuals were able to accumulate savings from years of touring and returned to private life, occasionally opening small businesses or continuing to work in entertainment in different capacities. Others, particularly those whose physical conditions required medical care or limited employment options, faced economic hardship after leaving the circuit. Historical research, including studies by the Smithsonian Institution and historian Nadja Durbach in Freak Show, indicates that outcomes depended greatly on how much agency and financial control performers had during their careers. In some documented cases, former exhibitors maintained public interest through lectures or memoirs, while others withdrew from public view entirely. Like many entertainers of the 19th and early 20th centuries, their post-performance lives ranged from relative stability to significant social and economic challenges.

An Artist’s Journey

 

Hello, and welcome. If you’ve discovered this blog—a project I began in 2016—you’ll see a record of my life as an artist and thinker. My writing has been "on and off" over the years because life beyond the screen is demanding. I have traveled, studied, and navigated various career paths in search of my place in this world.

Like many, I have faced the challenge of leaders who view people as disposable. Through those trials, I have fought to keep art at the center of my life. I am still here, and I am still creating.

If my journey resonates with you, I invite you to support this passion. Whether through a small donation, sharing my posts, or simply visiting, your presence helps me keep this creative flame alive.

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Forever grateful for your support!

For Better or Worse: Navigating the Choice to Settle

 

Image Credit: "Beach Relaxation" by Sie7e Fotos. Licensing available via 500px.

Throughout my life I had a few existential crises, the first one being about 11- 12, an overwhelming realization on my back patio. A thought came over me; what’s the point of life? What will happen when my parents die? What am I supposed to do with my life? It was the first time in my life I questioned if my path was predestined, or was I the architect of my own future?

By 15, I experienced a profound emotional low or depression. I felt a disconnect from the superficiality around me, realizing that many social bonds were built on appearance rather than character. It felt like a loss of innocence. I realized that people were appreciated for what they looked like and for what you could gain from their “ friendship” .Fortunately, my final years of high school brought enduring friendships, yet that "shadow" occasionally returned, leading me to question my place in this reality.

Image Credit: "mother holding her belly" by Sie7e Fotos. Licensing available via 500px.

As the years went by and moments in the black hole made me think a lot and notice how many people around me settle for many things in life and this is why everyone looked happy and fulfilled with their life . Women have to settle for many things and fast, for example, getting married to have a family and get pregnant, society always reminds us that the clock is ticking. 

It was a common pattern: people settling for the sake of security.  This habit of settling extends to careers and environments. I am not immune; I’ve worked jobs and lived in places that didn’t align with my true self. I often wonder what could have been if I hadn’t traded adventure for the familiar.

Today, I still face the temptation to choose the "standard" life. While I still live in the same town, and follow a routine like everyone else, I try to do it my way, with a purpose. I strive to act with intention. I refuse to simply "drift" through existence ( better now that never). If you must go with the flow for a time, don't fear it, just use that time to find the stream that truly belongs to you. People like us, always find a way. 

What have you settled for in life? What remains non-negotiable for you?